Pittsburgh Pirates: Cogitobsw vs. Ohio Is For Buttlovers - Pittsburgh Pirates

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Cogitobsw vs. Ohio Is For Buttlovers Rate Topic: -----

Poll: Cogitobsw vs. Ohio (54 member(s) have cast votes)

Cogitobsw vs. Ohio Is For Buttlovers

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#1 User is offline   Douchius Maximus 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 10:52 AM

[The loud buzzing sound you're all hearing is the selection committee snoring while sleeping. The committee's administrative assistant enters the room and begins to shake the committee to try to wake them up. The lead committee member comes to.]

The committee is slightly embarrassed to announce that we fell asleep upon realizing what the next matchup is. This is quite possibly our least anticipated matchup of this tournament.


Cogitobsw: The committee doesn't know a whole lot about this tournament participant, as he doesn't spend a whole lot of time on CIA. We'll tell you a few of the things that we think we know about him. We're pretty sure he's a lawyer, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that he got involved in the whole "DUIs are just a money making scheme for the cops," debate that was initiated by BucsFanRuss, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that he's the guy that worked in food preparation in the past and isn't a big fan of Panera's food, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that his screen name means something in Latin and while this committee doesn't pretend that we're smart enough to know what it means, we do know that it's a pompous screen name. One thing we're sure of is that he hasn't exhibited much of a sense of humor and he'll probably get upset about this intro...which makes him a douche.

Ohio Is For ButtLovers: We urge you to try and recall a single post that Ohio has ever made. Nothing, huh? How about can you recall a stance that he's taken on any issue? Still nothing, huh? Although he's been posting amongst you douchebags for a number of years, if there's anyone that's made less of an impact, we'd like to know who it is. We'll try to illustrate in a hypothetical situation. If there's a thread debating the skills of Ben Roethlisberger and someone makes a derogatory remark about Big Ben, Ohio might chime in with a brilliant comment like, "You think you could do better?" Making comments this irrelevant=douche.

The committe has been told that Ohio is currently working on a book titled, "Cornholing With Schnoah." If that book doesn't get published, he's going to take a stab at, "Hunting With Schnoah." If neither of those work out, he should try a book simply titled, "Douche."

We're just hoping that there's enough interest in this match that you'll actually take the time to vote.
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#2 User is offline   mzimmerman81 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 10:54 AM

Cogito went to Juniata

I voted for Ohio
5 GP

10-16, 4-2B, 2-3B, 9 RBI, 6 R
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#3 User is offline   oblongatta 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:01 AM

I believe that at MGP night when Ohio and I finally made it to McFadden's, Ohio was the first to step up to the plate and have a carbomb, or a jeagerbomb or whatever the hell shot we had. That's definitely not douche.


Plus I vaguely remember cogito being douche-ish in the food debates. and I think it's perfectly valid to vote on vague memories of past discucussions.


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#4 User is offline   cogitobsw 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:07 AM

QUOTE (Douchius Maximus @ Apr 1 2009, 11:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Cogitobsw: The committee doesn't know a whole lot about this tournament participant, as he doesn't spend a whole lot of time on CIA. We'll tell you a few of the things that we think we know about him. We're pretty sure he's a lawyer, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that he got involved in the whole "DUIs are just a money making scheme for the cops," debate that was initiated by BucsFanRuss, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that he's the guy that worked in food preparation in the past and isn't a big fan of Panera's food, but we're not certain. We're pretty sure that his screen name means something in Latin and while this committee doesn't pretend that we're smart enough to know what it means, we do know that it's a pompous screen name. One thing we're sure of is that he hasn't exhibited much of a sense of humor and he'll probably get upset about this intro...which makes him a douche.



Yep, that's me, and yeah, I went to JC, too, but before you yungins around here did.
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#5 User is offline   DoctorJohnnyFever 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:08 AM

Ohio sat next to me at MGP night. He wasn't a douchebag. But he did leave early, and then didn't believe me when I texted him that we were in extra innings. I'm going to vote for Ohio ... you never leave early.

Then again ... maybe I won't. I'm on the fence with this one.
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#6 User is offline   greybeard131 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:10 AM

OHIO IS A HUNTER AND THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT DOUCHE! I VOTED FOR COGITO!!!
FIRE NEAL HUNTINGTON!
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FIRE CLINT HURDLE!
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#7 User is offline   NYPirate 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:26 AM

QUOTE (greybeard131 @ Apr 1 2009, 12:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ohio is a hunter and that's definitely not douche! i voted for cogito!!!


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#8 Guest_defdog_*

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:26 AM

I dont remember who coined the phrase "DUIs are money making schemes for cops ?"

But it was my story about bumfuck cops getting $300 bonuses in that thread.


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#9 User is offline   buccosmfg 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:47 AM

QUOTE (defdog @ Apr 1 2009, 12:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I dont remember who coined the phrase "DUIs are money making schemes for cops ?"

But it was my story about bumfuck cops getting $300 bonuses in that thread.


wasn't it cogito that introduced "chud" into the board lexicon?
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#10 User is offline   cogitobsw 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:53 AM

QUOTE (buccosmfg @ Apr 1 2009, 12:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
wasn't it cogito that introduced "chud" into the board lexicon?

No, but I did try to promote the use of the term russbag
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#11 User is offline   Uber Bier Mensch 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 11:59 AM

The fact that Ohio is for buttlovers has such hatred for a state that isn't New Jersey is enough for me to vote for him.
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#12 User is offline   Penguin 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 12:01 PM

QUOTE (Uber Bier Mensch @ Apr 1 2009, 09:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The fact that Ohio is for buttlovers has such hatred for a state that isn't Southern California is enough for me to vote for him.

Fixed
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#13 User is offline   SyrBucco 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 12:18 PM

QUOTE (oblongatta @ Apr 1 2009, 12:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I believe that at MGP night when Ohio and I finally made it to McFadden's, Ohio was the first to step up to the plate and have a carbomb, or a jeagerbomb or whatever the hell shot we had. That's definitely not douche.


Plus I vaguely remember cogito being douche-ish in the food debates. and I think it's perfectly valid to vote on vague memories of past discucussions.

This bears repeating. I do recall that Cogito is a food snob, while I am a food slut. This vast divide in such a critical area of life initiates an automatic pro-douch response from me.
Unlike many on this board, I think "Ohio Is for ButtLovers" is an epic handle. And his +1 is hot. You still taggin' that doe, Ohio?
So this was a relatively easy choice for me. Cogitobsw gets my vote.

And I know Latin, too. "Aqua est adjiuncto unum" (Water is only a mixer)
Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried
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#14 User is offline   ohio_is_for_buttlovers 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 01:47 PM

I am proud to have flown under the radar for so long, although, I thought the political and gun threads would have put an easy target at me.

Yes, Syr, I am still with the same lady. She keeps asking when we are going to the Pirates game with my "drunken internet friends" this year.
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#15 User is offline   Ma13tt0 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (buccosmfg @ Apr 1 2009, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
wasn't it cogito that introduced "chud" into the board lexicon?

I said that when I quoted Clerks 2.

Ohio's picture was The Dude. Wasn't it? Cause thats not douche. Running skeleton is though.
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#16 User is offline   cogitobsw 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 02:21 PM

QUOTE (SyrBucco @ Apr 1 2009, 01:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This bears repeating. I do recall that Cogito is a food snob, while I am a food slut. This vast divide in such a critical area of life initiates an automatic pro-douch response from me.

This may be douche, but I need to correct this misconception. I am not, never have been, and never will be a food snob. My only point in the restaurant thread was that restaurants like Panera are fast food. I repeatedly said there is a time and place for such things, and said that a sausage McMuffin with Egg and Cheese is just about the best damn breakfast I've ever had.

I have never been known to pass up a hot dog cart, and my favorite local restaurant is a diner, followed by a taco/burrito stand in a food court.


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#17 User is offline   SyrBucco 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 05:10 PM

QUOTE (cogitobsw @ Apr 1 2009, 03:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This may be douche, but I need to correct this misconception. I am not, never have been, and never will be a food snob. My only point in the restaurant thread was that restaurants like Panera are fast food. I repeatedly said there is a time and place for such things, and said that a sausage McMuffin with Egg and Cheese is just about the best damn breakfast I've ever had.

I have never been known to pass up a hot dog cart, and my favorite local restaurant is a diner, followed by a taco/burrito stand in a food court.

I stand corrected. However, my vote is already cast, and Ohio's +1 still gets him extra anti-douchosity points, even if she does correctly refer to the lot of us as "drunken internet friends". Do you have naked pictures of your wife you'd like to link to here? I'm sure that would sway a lot of votes.
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#18 User is offline   herrmorpheus 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 06:54 PM

Ohio has a good looking better half, but he still left early.

You never leave early.
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#19 User is offline   PF82 

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Posted 01 April 2009 - 07:08 PM

I believe Ohio and I spent a few minutes busting on jourdin during MGP night, so I cant vote for him.
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#20 User is offline   Douchius Maximus 

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Posted 02 April 2009 - 10:52 AM

Ohio Is For Buttlovers easily takes down Cogitobsw to advance to the second round.
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