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Poll: Jeff King vs. PSU4Lyfe (60 member(s) have cast votes)

Jeff King vs. PSU4Lyfe

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#1 User is offline   Douchius Maximus 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:12 PM

After a brief break, the CIA Tournament returns with a classic #8 vs. #9 match up.

Jeff King: This douche is known as being one of the founding members of Team Winter. While he may not be as vocal in his bashing of Neal Huntington as he once was, there was a time that he was the most outspoken of the, "Anti-NH" contingent. In fact, he's the one that introduced the nickname "Deal Nothington" to MGP in overly redundant fashion. It's only fitting that the word, "King" is in his screen name as this douchebag is the "King of Redundancy." Not just with his use of the name "Deal Nothington," but with just about everything he posts. He just never knows when something has gotten old. Brett Tomko, Garzalny, photos of Masumi Kuwata and his overuse of the quote bubbles are just a few examples.

Need a better example? Hey Nosmo. Do you by any chance smoke pot? Really? You don't say! This committee wasn't sure if you do, as we've only seen you mention it 17 million times. What year is this douche living in anyway? Someone needs to tell him that smoking pot hasn't been cool since bell bottoms went out of style.

Oh, and as long as the name "Nosmo" has been brought up, let the committee remind everyone how that douchey nickname came about. Fellow douchebag Cross once started a thread asking everyone how they chose their screen name and in typical fashion, Jeff King just couldn't be serious. He made up some douchey story that his real name was "Jeffrey Nosmo King." He later revealed that he was just kidding around but he's stuck with that overly douchey nickname...forever.

And while his fictitious dialog pieces may be funny, what's even funnier are his lame attempts to cleverly bump his own work so it gets more attention. This committee sees right through you, Nosmo. Douchebag.


PSU4Lyfe: This tournament participant is one of our youngest. The selection committee believes all that really means is that he's accomplished a lot of douche in a relatively short period of time. Based on his screen name, you'd be certain he went to Penn State, right? Well guess what? He didn't!

He's somewhat brash, some might even say arrogant. If he disagrees with you, he'll just drop a sarcastic one liner that really adds nothing to the argument, proves no point and often insults its target.

This committee recalls a time last year, when for no reason, he decided to post a picture of himself when he was nine years old. If that wasn't douchey enough, he then posted pictures of himself playing high school football and baseball. Trying to prove your worth to a message board by showing them you were an athlete in high school, while simultaneously reliving your past glory days is like a douche sandwich with extra douche on the side.

Oh, and let's not forget that PSU was solidly behind new Pirate General Manager Neal Huntington in the beginning of his tenure. That's not the douchey part, however. The douchey part is that one day he changed his stance and completely turned on NH, essentially for no specific reason. But this committe has been told that there actually was a reason. The truth is that he desired to become a full fledged member of Team Winter. Congratulations, PSU! You're officially part of the biggest group of douchebags on CIA!

He also threatened to beat up Dale Gabriel if he showed up at MGP Night last year. While this committee agrees with the sentiment that Dale Gabriel needs a serious ass kicking, threatening to beat up a state trooper certainly makes one a douche. Especially when you consider that he didn't threaten Dale to his face, it was from behind an anonymous message board screen name.

And speaking of MGP Night, PSU snuggled tight with Zimm, as they shared a hotel room. We're fairly certain that in addition to finding out how Zimm likes his morning coffee, PSU also found out what lubricant Zimm likes when he gets his salad tossed.

PSU vs. Jeff King is a highly anticipated matchup and clearly one that could go either way. Will their 8-9 seeding live up to its hype? We can't wait to find out.



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#2 User is offline   Penguin 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:17 PM

This one truly could go either way.
"The business of baseball is to make money, not break even. I don't understand why you think the Pirates should run their team like a charity." - Willlton 6/18/2009

"The Bay trade doesn't look like it (a slam dunk winner), but if you take into account the fact that all they lost was eight months of Jason Bay's services, as well as the fact that even the Red Sox look like they won't be able to re-sign him, it's not nearly the loser many people seem to think." - tWTM 11/26/2009

"Morton is finding himself, now while this may sound weird and out there, but the fact he put on a solo concert at Piratefest shows he finally has the confidence that he lacked within himself that he didn't have in the lower minors." - aso513 2/8/2010

"Dave Littlefield vindicated." - Xiga 4/30/2011 after one scoreless inning of relief by Daniel Moskos.

"Hanrahan and Cedeno would be a gross overpayment for Belt. Sorry, but I'll stick with my realistic analysis of the market and the teams involved." - Steve Zielinski 5/25/2011

"He (Barmes) could have a .000 Batting Average and still be an asset." - bradlej31 5/28/2012

"The last time the Pirates won an extra-inning game in St. Louis that lasted at least 16 frames was April 20, 1986 at Chicago." - Kristy Robinson 8/19/2012

"I want to tweet something clever and interesting to you that will earn your respect and make you smile, since you do that to me all the time." - jpbucco to Colin Dunlap 4/12/2016

"If the Pirates had acquired Giancarlo Stanton from the Marlins, Im not sure they would have won the Benedict trade." - David Todd 11/11/2015
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#3 User is offline   jeffr92 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:19 PM

This is the hardest decision so far.
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#4 User is offline   Penguin 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:22 PM

QUOTE (jeffr92 @ Mar 30 2009, 06:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is the hardest decision so far.

I like all the 8/9 matchups. TLC vs. Crim was a good battle. And Martini vs. PF82 is going to be fun as well. But it appears most weren't aware of Jestor's douche level as he got rolled by Crosscutters.
"The business of baseball is to make money, not break even. I don't understand why you think the Pirates should run their team like a charity." - Willlton 6/18/2009

"The Bay trade doesn't look like it (a slam dunk winner), but if you take into account the fact that all they lost was eight months of Jason Bay's services, as well as the fact that even the Red Sox look like they won't be able to re-sign him, it's not nearly the loser many people seem to think." - tWTM 11/26/2009

"Morton is finding himself, now while this may sound weird and out there, but the fact he put on a solo concert at Piratefest shows he finally has the confidence that he lacked within himself that he didn't have in the lower minors." - aso513 2/8/2010

"Dave Littlefield vindicated." - Xiga 4/30/2011 after one scoreless inning of relief by Daniel Moskos.

"Hanrahan and Cedeno would be a gross overpayment for Belt. Sorry, but I'll stick with my realistic analysis of the market and the teams involved." - Steve Zielinski 5/25/2011

"He (Barmes) could have a .000 Batting Average and still be an asset." - bradlej31 5/28/2012

"The last time the Pirates won an extra-inning game in St. Louis that lasted at least 16 frames was April 20, 1986 at Chicago." - Kristy Robinson 8/19/2012

"I want to tweet something clever and interesting to you that will earn your respect and make you smile, since you do that to me all the time." - jpbucco to Colin Dunlap 4/12/2016

"If the Pirates had acquired Giancarlo Stanton from the Marlins, Im not sure they would have won the Benedict trade." - David Todd 11/11/2015
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#5 User is offline   Jeff King 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:26 PM

I'd just like to say a few things:

1. Pjoma has been waiting to get back at me for the story I wrote about him driving to Pittsburgh to suck on Deal's balls and now I know who's writing these tournament intros.

2. Nice try PJ, but my story was better.

3.
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#6 Guest_parkerbatteryday_*

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:27 PM

I'm voting for that gravelly-voiced little demon from the Land Of Fruits and Nuts.
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#7 Guest_parkerbatteryday_*

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:28 PM

sandpaper....sandpaper i tell you.
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#8 User is offline   jeffr92 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:30 PM

QUOTE (Penguin @ Mar 30 2009, 09:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I like all the 8/9 matchups. TLC vs. Crim was a good battle. And Martini vs. PF82 is going to be fun as well. But it appears most weren't aware of Jestor's douche level as he got rolled by Crosscutters.

I thought the Jestor/Cross matchup was pretty clear cut, but the rest are/were good matchups. And I still haven't decided who will get my vote.
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#9 User is offline   Penguin 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:34 PM

QUOTE (jeffr92 @ Mar 30 2009, 06:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought the Jestor/Cross matchup was pretty clear cut, but the rest are/were good matchups. And I still haven't decided who will get my vote.

If Nosmo's post in this thread doesn't swing your vote, I'm not sure what will.
"The business of baseball is to make money, not break even. I don't understand why you think the Pirates should run their team like a charity." - Willlton 6/18/2009

"The Bay trade doesn't look like it (a slam dunk winner), but if you take into account the fact that all they lost was eight months of Jason Bay's services, as well as the fact that even the Red Sox look like they won't be able to re-sign him, it's not nearly the loser many people seem to think." - tWTM 11/26/2009

"Morton is finding himself, now while this may sound weird and out there, but the fact he put on a solo concert at Piratefest shows he finally has the confidence that he lacked within himself that he didn't have in the lower minors." - aso513 2/8/2010

"Dave Littlefield vindicated." - Xiga 4/30/2011 after one scoreless inning of relief by Daniel Moskos.

"Hanrahan and Cedeno would be a gross overpayment for Belt. Sorry, but I'll stick with my realistic analysis of the market and the teams involved." - Steve Zielinski 5/25/2011

"He (Barmes) could have a .000 Batting Average and still be an asset." - bradlej31 5/28/2012

"The last time the Pirates won an extra-inning game in St. Louis that lasted at least 16 frames was April 20, 1986 at Chicago." - Kristy Robinson 8/19/2012

"I want to tweet something clever and interesting to you that will earn your respect and make you smile, since you do that to me all the time." - jpbucco to Colin Dunlap 4/12/2016

"If the Pirates had acquired Giancarlo Stanton from the Marlins, Im not sure they would have won the Benedict trade." - David Todd 11/11/2015
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#10 User is offline   Pjoma 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:38 PM

QUOTE (Jeff King @ Mar 30 2009, 09:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd just like to say a few things:

1. Pjoma has been waiting to get back at me for the story I wrote about him driving to Pittsburgh to suck on Deal's balls and now I know who's writing these tournament intros.

2. Nice try PJ, but my story was better.


I've moved well beyond that. Now I'm on to my memoirs, which will not only include you, but about a half dozen or so posters who are deserved of a very special treatment. Thank God I've been archiving stuff for the last year +. It should make the commitee's stuff read like Harry Potter.

"Huntington is doing exactly what he was hired to do, and that the fans and media in Pittsburgh cant quite grasp this, that they still hold the 2008-09 trades against him, is an indictment of their sensibilities." Joe Sheehan 6/6/10
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#11 User is offline   jeffr92 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:39 PM

QUOTE (Penguin @ Mar 30 2009, 09:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If Nosmo's post in this thread doesn't swing your vote, I'm not sure what will.


Calling out Pjoma for being Douchius Maximus, Kuwata and weed, which was is it supposed to swing me?
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#12 User is offline   Jeff King 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 08:44 PM

QUOTE (Pjoma @ Mar 30 2009, 06:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've moved well beyond that. Now I'm on to my memoirs, which will not only include you, but about a half dozen or so posters who are deserved of a very special treatment. Thank God I've been archiving stuff for the last year +. It should make the commitee's stuff read like Harry Potter.


Nice! I'm gonna shine up my Schwinn Tricycle so I can backpedal in style.
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#13 User is offline   bucc-o-pain 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:14 PM

QUOTE
1. Pjoma has been waiting to get back at me for the story I wrote about him driving to Pittsburgh to suck on Deal's balls and now I know who's writing these tournament intros.


Douchius Maximus Is a girl's name?
Utah, get me two.
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#14 User is offline   mzimmerman81 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:24 PM

This was a tough one, I voted for Kinger, only because I shared a room with PSU.
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#15 User is offline   bucc-o-pain 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:27 PM

QUOTE (mzimmerman81 @ Mar 30 2009, 10:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This was a tough one, I voted for Kinger, only because I shared a room with PSU.

No homo?
Utah, get me two.
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#16 User is offline   mzimmerman81 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:34 PM

QUOTE (bucc-o-pain @ Mar 30 2009, 10:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No homo?



Most certainly homo, if it was no homo, I would have voted for PSU.
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10-16, 4-2B, 2-3B, 9 RBI, 6 R
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#17 User is offline   bucc-o-pain 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (mzimmerman81 @ Mar 30 2009, 10:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Most certainly homo, if it was no homo, I would have voted for PSU.

Point taken.
Utah, get me two.
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#18 User is offline   Penguin 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 09:40 PM

QUOTE (Winters in Holland @ Mar 30 2009, 07:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Frankly, after reading the majority of writeups for this Tourney, I am absolutely scared shitless as to what is going to be written about yours truly.

If they can make mid-major 'bags like Nosmo and PSU look like an epic salt squadron, I have no idea what they'll do to someone who actually deserves it.


.WiH.

I don't know, it seems they're all pretty brutal. I mean, ecbenito, crosscutter, Kraig, and Bree were all equally harsh.

But me thinks for pony boys like WiH, the committee just has an easier task writing the introduction.
"The business of baseball is to make money, not break even. I don't understand why you think the Pirates should run their team like a charity." - Willlton 6/18/2009

"The Bay trade doesn't look like it (a slam dunk winner), but if you take into account the fact that all they lost was eight months of Jason Bay's services, as well as the fact that even the Red Sox look like they won't be able to re-sign him, it's not nearly the loser many people seem to think." - tWTM 11/26/2009

"Morton is finding himself, now while this may sound weird and out there, but the fact he put on a solo concert at Piratefest shows he finally has the confidence that he lacked within himself that he didn't have in the lower minors." - aso513 2/8/2010

"Dave Littlefield vindicated." - Xiga 4/30/2011 after one scoreless inning of relief by Daniel Moskos.

"Hanrahan and Cedeno would be a gross overpayment for Belt. Sorry, but I'll stick with my realistic analysis of the market and the teams involved." - Steve Zielinski 5/25/2011

"He (Barmes) could have a .000 Batting Average and still be an asset." - bradlej31 5/28/2012

"The last time the Pirates won an extra-inning game in St. Louis that lasted at least 16 frames was April 20, 1986 at Chicago." - Kristy Robinson 8/19/2012

"I want to tweet something clever and interesting to you that will earn your respect and make you smile, since you do that to me all the time." - jpbucco to Colin Dunlap 4/12/2016

"If the Pirates had acquired Giancarlo Stanton from the Marlins, Im not sure they would have won the Benedict trade." - David Todd 11/11/2015
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#19 User is offline   buccosmfg 

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Posted 30 March 2009 - 11:16 PM

how is PSU beating the illigitimate son of Harvey Fierstein and Marge Schott
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#20 User is offline   Martini 

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Posted 31 March 2009 - 06:47 AM

QUOTE (Pjoma @ Mar 30 2009, 09:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've moved well beyond that. Now I'm on to my memoirs, which will not only include you, but about a half dozen or so posters who are deserved of a very special treatment. Thank God I've been archiving stuff for the last year +. It should make the commitee's stuff read like Harry Potter.

I will wipe my dick on your curtains.


Get it?
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